AMERICA'S DECATHLON OF TRUTH AND FREEDOM

My Fellow Americans

Congratulations on being an American. You are hereby invited to participate in the 2018 Bissell Farms America's Decathlon of Truth and Freedom.

Here at Bissell Farms, the American values we care about can be boiled down to two biggies: Truth and Freedom. To celebrate that, we will be hosting a decathlon of contests to celebrate this great republican experiment that has been stewing since the 1770s. Please read on for details surrounding the competitions.

Participants may compete in any or all of the events. Participation in all 10 is encouraged - A democracy, if you can keep it. Scoring will be done on a 10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1 scale per event, with 10 for the winner, 8 for second place, 6 for third, and proportionately scored down the line. The participant with the most points at the end of the day will be our American Champion of Truth and Freedom.

Events will take place throughout the afternoon, and in the early evening all flag-loving Americans will make their way down to Ruston Way’s Freedom Fair.

Who: You

What: America’s Decathlon of Truth and Freedom
When: July 4, 2018, 12:00 Noon until 5ish.
Where: Harrington West, 1911 N Tyler St., Tacoma, WA

Why: America
How: Bring an app,bring a poem, bring some drinks, have fun, compete, celebrate, love.

Sign up early! Add your name to the list of American competitors here.

DECATHLON EVENTS

Beverage Chug

High Card

Ladder Golf Tournament

Appetizer Contest

Yahtzee Roll

Bocce Best Ball Toss

Hula Hoop Off

10 Shot 10 Cup Beer Pong

Poetry Contest

EVENTS IN DETAIL

First, let’s talk about food. 

BYO Grill material if you'd like, but more importantly bring an app. Each app will be rated by party goers on a 1-4 scale.

4 - I demand seconds

3 - Not my thing but I enjoyed it

2 - lacking in quality or style

1 - do better

Most points wins.

Poetry tells the truth.

This day we will have an original poetry contest loosely themed around Tacoma and ‘Merica. Each poem must be written or typed (performed if you want) and party goers will grade each poem on a 1-4 scale.

4 - Whitmanesque

3 - Frosty

2 - Good effort

1 - Andrew Dice Clay

Highest scoring poem wins.

When we are bombing the shit out of ISIS or Canada or wherever spirit strikes us, precision and accuracy are important. Today we will demonstrate our abilities over two competitions.

1. The bocce closest ball challenge. Rules: Each competitor gets three shots at a target. Closest ball compared to other competitors wins. Measurements to the nearest 1/4”
2. 10-cup beer pong challenge. Rules: Each competitor gets 10 shots at a 10-cup beer pong setup. Most made shots compared to the other competitor wins.

America has endured for 242 years and counting. We will demonstrate our endurance with a Hula hoop Endurance Contest

Longest time wins.

These days, to prove you are fit to lead you must master two things: the corporate ladder and golf. Today we will combine them in a ladder golf competition. Each player gets 5 tosses at the ladder. Highest number of points wins.

Plus there is just some fun stuff to do. Events 9 and 10 will be a chug off of any 12-ounce beverage, fastest chug wins and one Yahtzee round to be completed over the course of the afternoon, highest score wins.